I Don't Remember Buying A Ticket For This Ride

Jeremy, Liam and I were snug little bugs in our new house.  Between the new house smell and new baby smell, happiness was abounding in the Dunn Home!  Not too long after the Jeremy Dunn household and the Aaron Dunn household got settled, we all decided to get on with what we felt called to do. We started a church. Our first service was held next door at Aaron and Michelle’s house with about 12 people.  As Jeremy and I lead worship that spring morning, I remember looking over at my mom singing and swaying with my son in her arms - I felt so complete.  I was doing what I felt called to do with my husband, and our family was there by our side.  Saying that I was blessed did not begin to describe the bliss that I was living in.

We quickly outgrew Aaron and Michelle’s living room, and moved into the Glendale Community Center.  It was so exciting - we were buying sound equipment, chairs, and children’s church curriculum. We were getting the wonderful opportunity to set up, and the big chore of tearing down every week.  Our faithful congregation helped in every aspect. A very short time later we moved into an old bank in West Phoenix. We got to set up once and leave it up, with the exception of our sound equipment which got locked up in the enormous bank vault every week.  Our first Sunday meeting there we had a visitor and we all freaked out!!!  This was someone that none of us knew! We crowded her, introduced ourselves, gushed over her and she didn’t come back - lesson learned, be cool.

As we were faithful to this new community, God added people to us.  One exciting new addition was my midwife, Connie and her sweet family.  They started attending a few weeks before we held our first big community outreach event - a Harvest Festival.  Our little Liam was now 8 months old. It was such a pleasure to watch the woman who helped me bring him into the world snuggle and ooh and awe over him.  I was honored when she told Jeremy and I what a great job we were doing.

Midweek following Connie’s visit, Aaron and Michelle came over because they said they wanted to button down those last minute details for the Harvest Party.  Brace yourself, that roller coaster car is about to head on down the steep free fall.  They came in and sat on the couch, I grabbed my notebook ready to take directions.  Aaron sat fidgeting, not looking us in the eye - “Um, hey guys, before we go over the games, we need to talk to you about something.”  Not good.  “Connie called us and shared some concerns about Liam.”  Mouth goes dry.  “She doesn’t think he has very good control of his head, and he might be a little behind in his development.” Stomach and heart drop.  “She told us because, well, she thought it might be better coming from us”  Mind reeling - oh no, I took a tylenol in my first trimester, I drank a few diet sodas when I was about 6 months along, I fell down in mom and dad’s front yard when I was almost through my last trimester. I have done this.  It is all my fault. Tears flow.  Panic grips.

Did I notice Liam’s big head?  Of course I did, I had been calling him Brainiac for Pete’s sake!  I honestly didn’t think a thing of it.  My handsome Jeremy has an enormous noggin!  As a matter of fact his huge forehead is one of the things I adore about him.  There is this little crease right above his brow that my head rests on perfectly. Come to think of it, larger heads just kinda run in his family.

First,  I called Connie with a barrage of questions - the biggest one being did I do this to my baby?  She assured me one thousand times over, no - this was not caused by one single tylenol or a few glasses of diet soda, certainly not the spill I took on the front lawn.  Second, we called on our people who would pray. Last, but not least, the doctor for an appointment.  He had seen Liam a number of times when he was first born and was happy with how he was progressing so Liam had only been back for his 6 month check up.

They got us in pretty quickly, the doctor looked him over - yep - his head was up there in those big number percentiles but the rest of him wasn’t.  He recommended we head over to the pediatric neurosurgeon.  When I was able to scrape my heart off the floor, we called to make the appointment.  With the MRI and follow-up appointment scheduled we waited. When the day came, I was terrified!  They had to put him under to keep him still in the MRI machine.  That was the first time that I stepped out of my Mommy role and steeled myself to handle what was happening around me and what was happening to Liam, to be able to be there with him and to advocate for him without being a puddle on the ground.

When he came to and was cleared by the nurses, we headed over to find out the results. It was surreal, sitting in a room looking at pictures of Liam’s brain.  How in the world did we get here?  Just a few short weeks ago our biggest concern was when to introduce new foods to him, now we’re looking at cross sections of Liam’s head.  It was nuts.  This amazing doctor sat us down, told us that it looked like Liam’s ventricles were enlarged, however, he was not alarmed.  He was confident that Liam would grow into his head, and that we could just keep an eye on it, no shunts were needed.

Now we needed to address the delays, but where do you start? I sure didn’t know. Good thing God had my back. I was at my Aunt Terri’s showing off my sweet boy, when Judy, my childhood best friend’s mom, who happened to be my aunt’s next door neighbor, popped in.  I was telling them about what was going on, enlisting them to pray with us.  Judy told me that Kim, my friend, had recently moved back to Phoenix and was a pediatric occupational therapist.  She said I should get back in touch with her and maybe she could help walk me through getting things set up.  I gave Kim a jingle, and we set up a time for her to come and talk to me and meet Liam.

Looking back I am so thankful to God for the people that He so carefully selected to place along my path.  Looking back now I see just how He handled me with kid gloves.  I wasn’t just dropped into an ice bath, I was able to wade into the chilly water holding God’s hand.  It was just a little bit at a time, all the while being surrounded by people who knew me, loved me, and were willing to walk it out with me. It felt like a lot to take in at the time, but I know now, I was wrapped up in a warm blanket of abundant mercy, grace and love.  

Our First Addition

We were building our dream home....A task much more difficult than it sounds!  Jeremy and I poured over books, magazines, and websites to compile our perfect, peaceful dwelling that would give our family a place to grow.  There were loans to be approved, permits to pull, subcontractors to hire, oh and the little matter of a place to live while sorting out this new mountain of responsibilities.  Our apartment lease was just about up, and wanting to save every last penny we took Jeremy’s mom and dad up on a generous and  gracious offer to let us live with them, taking over the upstairs of their two story home.  We thought it would be a few months before we closed on our house, however several months passed and we were still there, still occupying half their home, and they continued to be generous and gracious, and we continued to be grateful.

All this talk of building enough rooms for the kids we planned on having, had jump started a desire to get on with plan and have us a baby! The arrival of our first sweet niece, Kylie compounded this desire exponentially.  I remember every chance we got we raced over to Aaron and Michelle’s to hold that baby.  We would tell them to take a nap, go on a date, get some grocery shopping done - anything to hold that baby.  I loved that child like she was my own! I couldn’t imagine loving another baby more than I loved her, but I was willing to try.

And try we did, yet month after month we were disappointed.  The disappointment would turn into despair and desperation before too long.  I would cry out to God, begging Him to grant us a child.  I was charting my temperature, reading and trying anything I thought had any merit at all.  April of 1999 rolled around, Kylie was a few months old, and my little brother, Jeff, was graduating from bible college in Tampa, FL.  Aaron, Michelle, Kylie, Jeremy and I all headed out to celebrate Jeff’s great accomplishment - it had been 11 long months since we had decided to try to have a baby.  I know that this may not sound like a terribly long time to some, but to me it was an eternity.  It felt like everyone around me was getting pregnant and having beautiful babies, yet my belly and my arms continued to be empty.

It was in a parking lot of a grocery store late one evening that Jeremy and I surrendered our plans and desires to have children of our own into the hands of our caring Father. We felt we had three choices - give up entirely, seek out medical help, or hand it to God. It was hours of discussion and many tears to reach this decision, but peace descended when “Amen” was uttered. There was no booming voice from heaven, no prophecy given at church that Sunday, just an inner peace. There were still tears and disappointment co-existing with that peace that passes understanding.

We got back to Phoenix, climbed the stairs to our bedroom at the in-laws, went back to work, back to kidnapping Kylie, back to normal. Normal, normal, normal until I went to lunch at the Olive Garden with co-workers. I ordered my usual - all-you-can-eat soup, salad and breadsticks. I was laughing it up, enjoying down time with the girls - one salad and one soup down, second salad being enjoyed, Pasta Fagioli on it’s way, and a refreshed basket of hot breadsticks ready for the inhaling. ( I used to have very high metabolism!)  The wonderful waitress set that second steaming bowl of soup in front of me, digging in, the first bite went down kind of funny. Huh, let’s try that again - nope this one isn’t going to make it to the tummy so,  off to the bathroom I raced to spit it out. What on earth was happening here?!? I usually get three bowls in before my lunch hour is over - am I sick? - nope feel great, just can’t seem to eat anything.  As a matter of fact, the sight and smell everyone else’s food made me feel a little green around the gills. Huh, odd....

I didn’t mention it when I got home that evening, because Jeremy had planned a mini vacation up to Prescott, AZ and a stay at the historic Hassayampa Inn for my birthday.  I really didn’t feel sick, I just wasn’t able get down a spoonful of soup. On the way up, I started to obsess about the lunch thing, so I shared it with him and asked what he thought.  We decided not to get our hopes up, that we would just enjoy our time and look into it when we got home.  We had a wonderful weekend away from all our worries and cares, and delightfully, no more weird food things.  However, a pregnancy test was never too far from my mind, so we picked a few up on the way home.  

We got in, said our hellos, talked about staying in the Christmas Room - yes, the awesome too-kitschy-for-words Christmas Room - and got caught up with all the news then hurried upstairs to take our test. I did what I was suppose to, set the stick on the counter, went into the other room, and anxiously waited with my husband, together watching five minutes tick off the clock.  Back to the bathroom we raced and what before our eyes did appear TWO PINK LINES!!! We were well acquainted with what a negative test looked like - this one was most definitely different!!! So....we took another one - yep same results!

The news of our little bean sprout spread quickly, and there was much rejoicing! Every time Jeremy and I would get up to lead worship at our church, I would pour myself out before God, so happy was my heart. Next step - what kind of human person was this? Oh joy, a boy!  I had to get used to that idea, I put faith in what my lovely midwife, Connie said after the ultrasound - “Girls are for the daddies and boys are for the mommies.”  Ten fingers, ten toes, everything looked perfect! Pregnancy was super other than morning sickness.  I felt great and I loved being pregnant. A month before our little monkey was due we moved into one of Jeremy’s dad’s rentals as our house was not quite ready to move into.  I worked up till two weeks before my due date.  I had the need to nest but no home to nest in, so I instead moved boxes around our makeshift nursery.  I checked checklists and checked them again. I put tons of pressure on my sweet husband to get that house done!

One evening, February 11th to be exact, after making a delicious dinner despite horrendous back pain, I plopped myself on the couch, armed with an ice pack and vowed not to move another muscle. It took a couple good hours of complaining till it dawned on us these complaints could be timed. We called our sweet midwife ready to head in to the birth center and get the show on the road. Connie calmed us down in the way she does and told us to call her back when everything got closer together. We ended up laboring at home that night and heading over to the birth center in the morning. Long story short, after a walk around the mall, a lovely breakfast, several long soaks in the birth center jacuzzi tub, I gave birth to our red-headed wonder - Liam Michael Dunn.  Never in my life have a loved another person the way I loved him that moment I first laid eyes on him.  Never in my life had I felt that very particular kind of joy. Never in my life had I felt more inadequate, unsure, or unprepared; yet short two hours later we were packed up and headed to our rental home full of boxes - the Dunn family now a threesome.

That entire next week I spent in a rocking chair gazing into the beautiful blue eyes of my gift from God. My Jeremy was frantically readying the house,  a huge team compiled of family and friends by his side. Bless his heart, he got us in there, Liam being just one week old.  Everything was new.  We were beyond over-the-moon happy. We were also completely unaware that our roller coaster car had just about reached the top of it’s steep climb and we were teetering there.  But for that time - ignorance was bliss.

The Story Begins

We all know that good love stories start with a handsome, charming prince sweeping a fair, beautiful maiden off her feet. Our story was no exception.  A wink and a smile from across the choir room and Jeremy Dunn possessed my heart. This amazing man met all my very high standards.  I was just a sophomore and he a senior in high school.

We started talking here and there, passing notes in the hall between classes, sitting together at lunch and then he eventually asked me to ice cream after our Christmas choir concert. Our first date was spent driving around in his 1989 Ford Taurus listening to the B52’s (Topaz in particular) and grabbing a cone at Baskin Robbins. I wouldn’t call what we had a whirlwind romance but it was six years of dating and developing a deep friendship that would later prove to be what held us together when the going got tough.

When we weren’t together, we were on the phone - dreaming of a house with wall-to-wall red shag carpet, sunken living room, white couches and a white grand piano. We talked about the six kids we would have and how we would travel the world together using music as a vehicle to get there and to minister to the hearts of people everywhere. Paris is where we wanted to head first, with the art, culture, and tons of beautiful people. We were happy to find that many of our values, beliefs and dreams really lined up with each other’s, which was a feat for two old souls that each walked to the beat of their own drum.

Jeremy graduated from high school and headed to university which, lucky for me, was in the same city.  We had agreed that we wouldn’t get hitched until he graduated from college.  I had two years of high school and I wanted to get some college in too.  But believe me, I wanted to be married - Yes, I purchased my dress before he even proposed!

March 1, 1996 he asked! I returned an enthusiastic YES!!! We were married just a few short months later on November 9, 1996 and the next morning we were on a plane headed to Paris for our honeymoon.  We got to do all of the really great touristy things and due to Jerm’s great planning we did a lot off of the beaten path. Our food budget was slim so we mostly ate bread, brie and the balcony-chilled wine that our travel agent gave us. Before we knew it, the trip was over and we were packing up to head home.  Our last night there we cried together and prayed for the people of Paris. We would be back to Europe soon but under completely different circumstances. That is another story for another time.

When we landed we had the amazing task of opening all of our wedding presents and handing out souvenir gifts from Paris to our families.  Amazing because we had been up for 24 hours before he even carried me over the threshold of our sweet two bedroom apartment.  We spent the next week setting up our apartment, the first place for either of us had outside our parents homes. Raise the Pressure by Electronic and First Band on the Moon by, a little gem of a band that we found in Paris, called The Cardigans became our soundtrack for this fun, exciting season in life.

We had chosen this apartment because our very best friends Aaron, Jeremy brother, and his wife Michelle lived there.  Unbeknownst to us, while we were living it up on our honeymoon - they were placing a down payment on their first house a few miles away.  They gently broke the news to us on the way home from the airport.  Happy for them, devastated for us - even though it was only a few miles away, it felt like the other side of the city!  We had a few months left with them and we made the most of it. When they moved we split our time between their home and ours. We really fell in love with the area, and it wasn’t too long till we found our perfect lot on Abraham Lane in North Phoenix.

It was fun to watch our house go up, and make all the flooring, counter, and cupboard choices.  We were just going to be one block away from Aaron and Michelle.  We all dreamed about raising our families so close together. Yes, it was all fun until.....

My brother-in-law is a visionary which I have come to view as an endearing trait.  He had a vision of two houses right next to each other.  Custom houses designed by each couple and built on a large piece of property that their dad had just acquired.  One problem - we were already having another house built across town!  Aaron drove us all out to the new property, had us figure out our property lines, walk it, imagine it, and dream it. By the end of the evening we were convinced and were all in.  We canceled the contract on our “old” new house and we began building our dream home.  We would soon find out that dreams and plans are something that should be held to loosely because sometimes life has a way of dictating a different path than the one you had expected.